Without a doubt, this time of year is all about winning. Thanks to the last few weeks of finals fever, the media has been full of tales about underdogs triumphing and boys from the wrong side of the tracks making good because of the saving grace of sport. The football grand finals are one thing, but should we be concerned about how the high stakes attitudes of the AFL and NRL translate on the school sports field?
Parents invest significant money and time in providing opportunities for our kids to learn all the values and important life lessons that sport can impart. So deep is the idea that sport is inherently good, some private schools make weekend sport compulsory. So it struck me as odd when my daughter started school and the principal penned a letter informing parents that physical violence or threats towards coaches, other parents and even the kids was unacceptable. What sort of wholesome, life-affirming “great Australian sporting values” were being modelled at our children’s sporting events if warnings like this are necessary? I’ve since heard enough horror stories of school sport to regard it as a nasty cesspit. I know of parents abusing other people’s kids for missing a goal, parents intimidating coaches for letting weaker players have a turn on the court, and parents abusing umpires for not tolerating their kid’s violent behaviour. And it’s not just team sports where parents model the worst sporting values. I’ve seen children reduced to tears by screaming and disappointed parents for losing an under-10s tennis match. My friends’ 14-year-old daughter was called a “pussy” by her coach for not winning a match. Who knew that using a derogatory term for women and their genitalia would build motivation and self-esteem in teenage girls? One of my husband’s enduring memories of childhood sport was being asked “Do you hate ’em?” by the coach before the football final. In the coach’s eyes, motivating his team would take nothing less than instilling in his players a loathing for the other side. At the time, my husband was in Grade 3 and the grand final ended at three-quarter time because of the abusive behaviour of parents. Former AFL star Glenn Archer recently punched a runner at his son’s under-15 football game. You’ll be pleased to know that Archer has taken “full responsibility” for his actions and will be staying on as a North Melbourne board director. We can only assume he took “full responsibility” for his previous two assault charges as well. Of course, not everyone involved in kids’ sport suffers from poor impulse control. One children’s football coach reported that one of the most frustrating parts of the job is dealing with controlling parents who seem to think that school sports is about them and what benefits their kids individually, rather than the team. “I’ve heard parents say often over the years, ‘It’s all about you today – don’t worry about what [the coach] said – just grab the ball, run and take five bounces’,” the football coach said. The benefits of exercise to kids’ physical and emotional wellbeing are well documented. But according to children’s mental health expert Georgina Manning, there’s a big difference between kids kicking a ball around a park and them being subjected to highly structured, high-stress and high-stakes organised sport. “If parents have too much invested then the result is much more important, and teaches kids to not just have fun and enjoy the process, it becomes a ‘Win at all costs’ mentality,” says Manning who is a registered counsellor and psychotherapist and director of Wellbeing for Kids. Manning says another potential downside of organised sport can be the time it takes away from kids having free time to just play and have fun. “I was counselling a boy who was having regular anxiety and it came to light that soccer was the cause of his ‘stress’. Once he showed talent, his parents started pushing him to be the best at soccer and put him into training five nights a week and on Saturday. “He was exhausted and didn’t enjoy the game anymore – he just wanted to play and have fun again. He literally had no time left for down time, playing, socialising, reflecting, discovering other interests and just being an 11-year-old boy – it was no surprise he suffered so much anxiety and wasn’t enjoying life.” It’s frequently said that sport is character-building. And it can be. But that’s not necessarily a good thing. You don’t have to spend too much time around kids’ sport to see that it can create characters who are incapable of losing gracefully, who want to win at all costs, who reject the weakest teammates instead of supporting them, and resolve conflicts with verbal abuse and a quick right hook.
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With the rise of the internet and mobile technology, the children of today exist in a vastly different world than the one we grew up in. Whereas all the world’s information was once contained within the 32 volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannica and the daily newspaper, we are now exposed to a constant barrage of 24 hour news cycles, advertising, ‘fake news’, ‘sponsored content’ and social media ‘influencers’ that make it difficult to find the balance of staying informed and nurturing our offline relationships with our families and friends, nature and ourselves.
Indeed, finding the balance has fast become one of the biggest issues facing families and children today. Information overload and addiction to screens and social media has seen a rise in a vast array of interconnected health and wellbeing issues. Obesity, anxiety, stress, depression, sleep deprivation and social isolation have all been linked to overuse and addiction to screens, social media and gaming in children and adults alike. When these issues present in children, the effects on their social development and learning can be devastating. Much of this can be attributed to the ubiquitousness of technology and screens and the increasingly intelligent designs of games and social media. Where video games were once developed to be more technically and visually advanced then their competition, online games and social media are now engineered to influence the way we think and act in much the same way poker machines do. They target the pleasure centres of our brains with the sole purpose of occupying as much of our time as possible to expose us to the advertisements that keep their revenue streams flowing. Facebook and other social media platforms know when you wake up, go to sleep and are most likely to use your device. They will send a notification just prior to these times in order to catch your attention and expose you to more content and ads. Online games from app stores will create rewards, blockers and limits which ensure children are compelled to continually check in with the game at regular intervals. This is not to detract from the many advantages that technology has brought to our lives. Medical advances, long distance travel, free and open education and the ability to communicate with those far away as if we are face to face, are all aspects of our daily lives that we now take for granted. However, as the saying goes, we mustn’t allow technology capabilities to bring those far away much closer at the expense of making those close to us more distant. To combat this, we must be proactive in setting limits and rules. We must make a conscious effort to monitor our own technology use to set the example to our children. Below is a small list of things you can do now to help your children develop positive habits with their technology use. Set the example – Be aware of the example you set to your children with your own technology use. Downloading an app such as ‘Moment’ can help you monitor the time you spend on your device and how many times you pick it up throughout the day. This can be quite an eye opener. Create family rules and stick to them – These can vary for children of different ages and between weekdays and weekends. Technology free times – Make a time every day that is technology free. The hours leading up to bedtime are particularly important as the light emitted from screens block the buildup of melatonin which helps us get to sleep. Green time as well as screen time – Ensure children are given the opportunity to interact with nature and the environment. No technology in bedrooms – Setting this rule early makes it much easier when your child becomes a teenager. If possible, have the computer/device in the living room or where family spends most of their time. This allows for easier supervision. Encourage open communication – Talk to your child about their technology use. Ask what apps they are using. Get them to show you how they work, what they do. Continually encourage them to come to you if they feel uncomfortable or there is problem without worrying about being in trouble. If you threaten to take away their device when they come to you, they most likely won’t come to you again. Staying ahead of the technological curve in today’s world is not easy and there will always be times where things slip by us. However, by setting the ground rules early and being tuned in to the effects, both good and bad, of technology in our everyday lives, we can help ensure our children are creating positive habits early that will allow them to flourish in their learning, relationships and daily lives. Below are two great sites to help you stay up to date with how your children are using technology and the latest trends. https://esafety.gov.au/ http://www.thinkuknow.org.au/ |
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