Controlling the Controllables

There are some things within our control and some outside of our control. Knowing what the difference is can make a big difference to managing our thoughts as well as how we manage difficulties that come our way.

So, what’s in our control? Our attitudes, desires, opinions, what information we read, how productive we are, what we eat, which friends we spend time with, handling feelings, self-talk, how we respond to stress, our time given to self-care, time spent online, how we treat others and where we use our energy.

What’s outside of our control? The family and country we were born in to, the weather, natural disasters, accidents, other people’s behaviours, other people’s decisions and opinions, the past, life’s events and more.

If we spend time and energy trying to control what we can’t, this only drains us and leaves us feeling frustrated, hopeless, tired, angry, and irritated.

We can however control a great deal including the attitude and perception of situations that happen to us.  This includes how we respond and react to the situation. We can also choose to accept a situation that can’t be changed (which doesn’t mean we have to like it).
Trying to control or change what isn’t within your control will only drain your energy and leave you in torment. 

• What you can control is how you perceive a situation, how you react to it, and how you respond.
• If we can’t control something, then practising acceptance is a helpful way to manage the difficulty. 
• Just knowing and identifying what is out of our control, can help to bring more acceptance and less frustration to the current difficulties.  
• Focus your energies on the things you can do to shape your day to day and future lives by controlling what you can and accepting what you can’t change or control. 
• Remember that thoughts do control our emotions, so focusing on what we can control will trigger more positive emotions.  
• Ask yourself 'What matters most to me'? and then focus what you can do about it, not what you cant.  Brainstorm the choices you have and take action on them. 
• Be intentional in how you spend your energy.  Don't waste energy on negatives and what is out of your control.  
• Make a list or draw a circle of what's in your control and what is out of it.  Writing this down makes it clear in our mind and helps to stop rumination and fixation.  This also gives us a feeling of empowerment rather than staying stuck.